my role

so idk how much info leaked though and how many of you were wondering about one of my latest fb posts, but a few days ago i kind of had a break down. it all starts with the fact that i havent really had much/any responsibilities here, which is mainly due to the fact that everyone is on holiday. well a responsibility eventually came up and it was one of the things that i was told i would do. so i got excited, finally something to do!!! the people in charge of the ministry that i came here through (rtp (remember the poor)) wanted an "american" to go and meet with a minister and to relay information back about him and his ministry so that rtp could decide if they want to help support him. well they decided that cara would be better qualified than me (and i agree), but they also said that i was not even allowed to go along with her because if they see 2 white people they might assume that they "have it made." so when i heard that i would not be able to participate in this this made me very very upset. i realized that cara is more qualified than me to do pretty much everything, so i felt like i am going to be watching her be doing much of the stuff that i was sent here to do.
the second thing that made me upset is that i realized that all the money i raised for "ministry purposes" had been spent for me without me even being able to give any input as to what it went towards. correct me if i am wrong, but doesnt the person/people who raised the money decide how they want it to benefit the ministry. at least i know that it hasnt gone to waste. anyway i just felt very useless and was wondering why i was here and had a breakdown.
i am sorry that this has been so much of a downer so far, but since then i have been able to come to terms with my situation (with a huge help from david yee... thanks ;P). i realize that i am here to serve, and i need to be willing to serve in any way that is needed. i have also been able to have a "discussion" with pastor john and i/cara told him that i feel like i havent been able to serve, and would like more opportunities. i guess i am joining him tomorrow (i have no idea what we are doing) and i just have to hope that he creates/finds more opportunities for me to serve. but i realize that i will just have to make the best of the situation i find myself in. thanks for the prayers and the continuing support.